CAUTION: This blog may contain explicit and/or adult material.
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Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing in this thing.
ReplyDelete*Now* do you want to come kayaking, Steve? ... "No"?! What do you mean, "no"?! I don't care if you're afraid of water and can't swim, how can your resist *this*?! Damn it Steve, you're gay aren't you? I *knew* it! The way you're always disappearing at paries with various friends of mine! That's it, I'm going to go hang out with Julio and Juan Pedro. At least THEY show an interest in what I wear!
ReplyDelete"I wonder if people will notice my total lack of athletic ability, kayaking skill, and personal hygeine if I just put on this bikini and hold this giant spatula in the air. Yay for bottomless kayaking!"
ReplyDelete"How did I get in this big raft, and where did my wedding party get to? And my ring. And where did this empty bottle of rohypnol come from? And who's taking this photo? Ohh, you're a *professional* photographer, you say? But, why are you *walking* on the water? What, just keep my arms up and nobody will get hurt? Ok, mister, but I don't see why you can't just put on some pants first... Wait, is that you daddy?"
ReplyDeleteCheck it out! I shaved!!
ReplyDeleteSo, like, what am I supposed to be holding? Oh a paddle, okay. And what scene am I going to be in? Oh, a kayak and a lake. Ok, cool. You know, I just had to check, cause the last time I did one of these green screen photo ops I ended up all over the internet, giving a blowjob to Kermit the frog. ...Yup, yup, it was bad.
ReplyDeleteYay, sailboating!! ...oh, not sailboating? I mean, yay canoeing!! ...oh, not canoeing either, eh? ummm... yay yachting!! ... still no? damn I'm dumb.
ReplyDelete"So let me get this straight...you move this paddle thing like this? Back and forth? I don't get it! How come I can't get anywhere? Ohhhh... right. In the water, ok that makes sense. This is fun!"
ReplyDeleteI am so lucky that I found a modeling job that accepts me despite the fact I have no legs! I feel so accepted!
ReplyDeleteMountain tall. Lake cold. Woman hot.
ReplyDelete