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Guys! Hey guys, wait up! I seem to have fallen into an open grave! ...and landed on my keys! And now a bunch of possessed demonic vines and branches are raping me! No, seriously... guys? GUYS?!
ReplyDeleteWell, it's nice to meet you, Mr. Kruger. That's a distinctive look you have. Have you tried acting?
ReplyDeleteSure... "We'll meet you at the stage" they said. "Just follow the music" they said. Yeah? Well the music is all around me, fuckers! If you can even call that music... just a bunch of "bwonhhh bwonhhhhh" with some beats thrown in occasionally... God I have to pee. Oh, I'll just pee on this tent.
ReplyDelete*click click click* Lurg! Splorgh... aladmummmmmmmmmmmmmmming boloo! Take us to your leader! *click click ting*
ReplyDeleteI am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the WOOMP WOOMP WOOMP that keeps you up at 8 am when you've been partying all night and you're all sketchy and just want some sleep. I am Darkwing Duck!
ReplyDeleteListen, Randy. I only came on this duck hunting trip because our wives are friends and Judith damn near nagged me to death over it. Now I gotta tell you, I’m adding some things up in my head here and I’m getting kinda freaked out. Like how yesterday I got that headache and you kept trying to give me Advil. But I know Advil ain’t blue, Randy, it’s pink. I saw you slip one in my beer when you thought I wasn’t looking so I dumped it when you were getting more firewood. You made me commit beer crime; not cool man. And you keep calling me “Buster”, what’s that all about? You never call me that around the wives. Also, the way you’re dressed is making me uncomfortable. It’s 5 degrees, we’re out here hunting ducks and you’re wearing a little pair of jean shorts and a red bandana around your neck! Aren’t you freezing?!? Speaking of freezing, I don’t care that you “accidentally” set your sleeping bag on fire last night; you aren’t pairing up with me, noooo fucking way Randy Dandy... All’s I’m saying now is I shoulda listened to Gerald when he told me not to go hunting with you. Shoulda just listened, dammit...
ReplyDeleteAwwww crap! Has anyone seen my contact lens?
ReplyDeleteS'cuse me...
ReplyDelete"Oh boy, I am gonna get them. I am just gonna sneak up on them all nimbly pimbly like and next thing they'll be going "oh nooooo, I can't see nuthin!" and I'll be like "no, no ya can't see nuthin cause I'm all around you cause I'm fog and that's what i do"....yay for me, hooray...for....me! I am so fogging, I am just a fog fogga fogging all over this nice little meadow with it's tasty green little grass and happy creatures all playing about until I come along and make it too hard to see. I make it too hard for little meadow frog to keep jumping around and little Mr.Rabbit to keep hopping round looking for his carrots to nibble upon saying "num num num num". But what can I do, that's what a fogs gotta do. I'm just doing what a fogs gotta do. Just fogging along in my little happy fog world thinking bout.....Oh, hey Mr. Deer lady! Enjoying my little fog show for ya'll? I hope you don't lose your little ones in me. Wanna be a good fog, a happy fog. Except for those mean little hunters, I'm gonna get them. I'm gonna sneak right up on em an dthey'll be like "Oh no! I can't see nuthin'" and I'll be like "no, no ya can't...."
ReplyDelete