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Ow. Ow! OWWWW!!! God-damn it, woman, you are pure evil! How can you do this to your own sister?
ReplyDeleteI'm in excruciating pain right now, but it will be worth it when I have a flame-thrower for a hand.
ReplyDeleteOh dear Lord, I just shit my pants again.
ReplyDeleteListen sweetie, when you figure out your "thing" don't deviate from it. At the family barbeques my "thing" was pounding back straight vodkas, ignoring the grandchildren, slapping my sons and patronizing their wives. "Angry Drunk Grandma" was working for me. Then I tried "Fun Loving Grandma" by letting my piece of shit grandsons talk me into trying out their skateboard. Now I've got this itchy asshole of a cast on my arm. At least we're up for the $100,000 prize on America's Funniest Home Videos.
ReplyDeleteOh no... no. no no! Don't pull my plug, please! Damn Obama and his "Death Panels"! I knew I'd be one of the first to go, what with my broken arm and all, and not being able to type at my job... [sobs violently]
ReplyDeleteReally, nurse? You want me to go TOWARD the light? Because that's kind of the opposite of what I've heard...
ReplyDeleteIs my Luke Skywalker hand ready yet?? How many more adjustments do you have to make?? You know I can still feel that!! I need more morphine...... aaaaaaahhhhh that's better.
ReplyDelete